Self Confidence

Self confidence means that your desires, beliefs, behaviours and feelings are consistent enough to give you an inner sense of continuity and coherence, despite changes and challenges in your circumstances. It means that you feel you deserve to succeed and based on what you have achieved in the past and with what you have now you can fulfil your deepest personal needs, aspirations and goals.

Self confidence is the most important ingredient to live the life of your dreams - not money. You then have the will to act on your dreams and achieve them

There are many other words to describe the same thing as self-confidence, such as self esteem, self worth, self image, self assurance, but we will use self confidence to cover them all here.

Self Confidence has a lot to do with our relationship with other people. We don't want to feel inferior to anyone. We want to be able to walk into a room full of people and feel that we are just as good as any of them, and to know that we are just as good as any of them.

Why are most people not self confident? Surely this should be one of the skills that we all learn as we grow up. Yet most people go through life doubting their own ability to cope with things outside their safe zone.

People who are more confident are happier with their lives and earn more money

Most people hide their lack of self confidence, and don't admit it, even to themselves. In this state you can't even do anything to help yourself. You can't grow as a person when you are in this state. You have to risk moving out of your comfort area to try new things, even if this seems difficult or scary at first.

Self-confidence comes from within, and when this is low it creates a feeling of emptiness, which can tempt you to fill by latching on to something or someone that provides a temporary sense of satisfaction and fulfillment. When this becomes desperate, repetitive or automatic, you have an addiction. Frequently this happens as a substitute for healthy human relationships. Physical addictions can lead to health problems, such as smoking, alcohol or comfort eating and weight problems.

Self confidence can be improved, but this is a gradual process, though one that will improve every aspect of your life.

Improving Your Self Confidence -

• Lets you be happy with yourself
• Helps you realise your full potential
• Improves your relationships
• Helps you feel more at ease
• Makes you more confident at work
• Lets you be more successful
• Stops you holding yourself back
• Helps you feel more fulfilled

The way you feel about yourself is the key to improvement. The things to say to yourself in your own mind is where your own self confidence lies. If you tell yourself you can't do something, then you never will. If you tell yourself that you can do something, then you will make sure you learn the skills to actually do this. Either way, whatever you tell yourself, you will always be right. The secret is to develop the skills of positive thinking, so that the voice in your head tells you that you can succeed. In the end you are totally in control of the person you become. So -

• Like yourself. Like the way you look. Like the way you think. Like the way you behave. Until you can do this you will never be confident.
• Respect yourself. Look after your health. Look after your life. Look after your money. If you don't respect yourself, then nobody else will.
• Love yourself. If you can't love yourself, then you can't really love someone else, and nobody else can really love you. This is a key part of happiness that we all deserve.

Doing something new always starts us on a learning curve. We all make mistakes, and we need to put in the effort and practice to gradually become more confident in our ability to do this new thing successfully. Don't let any setbacks allow you to think negatively about yourself and your ability, but use these as learning experiences. Accept yourself as a person, and don't let the failure to perform a task as well as you would like let you put yourself down about it.

Doing things better increases your self confidence, so by concentrating on doing everything a bit better every day, you will improve. The wonderful thing about this is the positive feedback you give yourself. The better you do the more self confidence you get. The more self confident you get the better you do. So keep stretching yourself to keep improving.

Aim for the happy medium. Realise that over-confidence and under-confidence are both to be avoided. You need self confidence in the abilities you have, not a foolhardy belief in yourself no matter what, nor a lack of confidence in what you can really do. Be realistic and accept yourself properly.

1. Surround yourself with positive people. Negative people sap your energy and self confidence. Positive people will support and help you.

2. Be clear about what you want to achieve in life. Set your own goals and keep working to achieve them every day. Don't live your life by other people's goals.

3. Always be positive about yourself and think positively about yourself. Keep reminding yourself about your good qualities, and what you have achieved. Don't brood over negative things.

4. Accept criticism about yourself, without getting upset or defensive. If you think the criticism is right, then work on yourself so you can do better next time. If you think the criticism is wrong or just meant to hurt you, then just ignore it.

5. Accept the fact that you will fail from time to time. This is perfectly normal, and happens to everyone. The secret is to 'fail forwards' by learning from your mistakes.

6. Never compare yourself with others. This is the easiest way to feel inferior and lose self-esteem. It is much better to concentrate on your achievements.

7. Never put yourself down. Failures are like parasites. If you allow them to grow they will eat away your self-confidence, self- respect and self-esteem.

8. Don't give in to bullies at work or in your personal life. Learn to stand up to them with respect and dignity. Remember that being assertive has nothing to do with being unpleasant or aggressive.

9. Don't be shy of people. Learn to be more outgoing by concentrating on other people and what they say, and being genuinely interested in them, rather than thinking about yourself.

10. Look after yourself, your health, your appearance, your mind and your life. You are worth it, and the more you help yourself the more confident you will become.