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Successful Relationships

Successful relationships are an important part of your life and your happiness, and successful relationships exist at several different levels, between partners, family members, friends, colleagues and in fact anyone you ever speak or write to.

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Successful Relationships (Article)
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Successful relationships starts with your relationship with everyone you meet, right from the people who you pass on the street through to the person you love, and including everyone in between, such as the person you pay at the checkout, the people you work with, your friends and your family.

Unfortunately successful relationships aren't easy, and it takes a lot of different skills to make them work well. Everyone experiences ups and downs in their relationships throughout their life. This is frustrating, but completely normal, and just something we all have to cope with. Whatever your internal capacity for happiness, these external events do effect your overall happiness level.

The rise of popular psychology has made us all acutely aware of any failings in our relationships. Look at any popular woman's magazine and you will find whole sections on this topic which can leave you feeling quite inadequate about your own relationships, especially intimate relationships, which is what they mainly talk about.

We all need to love and be loved. This is the way we were put together, and our most fundamental need after food and shelter. It's what holds the bonds of family together so strongly, parent to child, man to woman, child to parent and child to child. It is the reason that every society has developed marriage in one form or another, because marriage is the ultimate expression of loving and being loved.

In fact love is what most people think of when they think of relationships, and it is certainly the most important. However there are different sorts of love, which the ancient Greeks even had several different words for, such as -

Eros - Being in love
Storge - Affection
Philia - Friendship
Agape - Contented love

We will look at love and relationships in this broad way, and appreciate that there isn't one single form of love in our lives, but several forms, each of which is important, and each of these relationships change over time. We can look at relationships under several different headings -

Being happy with yourself
The people you meet
Friendship
Love
Family
Coping with change
Loss and grief

Being Happy With Yourself

The first stage of any good relationship is to be happy with yourself, because without this as a starting point every relationship is going to have something missing.

So the starting point of having successful relationships begins by working on yourself. so that you respect and value yourself, have self confidence, are in control of your emotions, and think positively. Only then can you respect and trust others in such a way that lets your relationships blossom.

The People you Meet

All the people you meet in your daily life are important, and the way you speak to the people who serve you in shops, or juniors at work, says a lot about who you really are as a person, and shows the world what your inner values look like.

Some people seem to get on with everybody, and others just rub everyone up the wrong way. It's not just what you say that matters either, as only 7% of the impression you make is in the words , 38% is in how you say it, and 55% is in your body language. So trying to be who you aren't is just doomed to failure.

The people you have to relate to every day have an impact on your happiness. The people at work, in your social group, at the pub, or whoever else you mix with on a regular basis effect your happiness, either positively or negatively. This can even determine if you like or loathe your job, because of the people you have to relate to. It can contribute to the 80% of people who say they dislike their jobs. The same job, but with different people to work with can become a totally different job.

Loneliness is increasing even though there are more people in the world, and we are packed closer together. Having the confidence to go out and meet people is still important, even though you can interact online.

Friendship

Friendship is the next step up in the scale of relationships and some people are better at making friends than others.

Love

Love, sex and significant relationships are what we are all looking for as the high point of successful relationships. Being in love is a heady romantic period which doesn't last. Typically after about 6 months the honeymoon period is over, and the relationship can then either break down, or change into a more lasting contented love. However some people never make the transition into successful commitment, and even those that do can't make it last for ever. Unfortunately the UK has one of the highest divorce rates in Europe, with 2 in 5 marriages ending in divorce.

Marriage and ongoing partnerships require a particular set of skills, including such things as understanding and patience, because men and women think in different ways.

Family

Family relationships are important, including the new members of your family that you acquire as part of marriage or partnership. Family relationship problems can be especially hard.

Coping with Change

Change happens with all relationships, they all have a beginning, a middle with ups and downs, and an end. Coping with the changes is the important thing, and doing the right things to keep the right relationships thriving, and letting go of those that don't add to your happiness.

Be prepared to move on when a relationship ends despite your best efforts. Learn what you can from it for the future.

Loss and Grief

When someone dies who is close to you, it will leave a gap in your life that must be healed. This can take a long time, and make you unhappy in the meantime. Use your inner strength and your other relationships to help you on your way.